When my father told us he was leaving my mother after 26 years of marriage, I was blindsided. “I’ve met someone,” he said softly, calling them his soulmate but offered no name, no explanation. He moved out quietly and kept his distance, leaving behind a family in shock and confusion. I assumed the worst: an affair.
Months later, I saw him at a coffee shop. He wasn’t alone. Sitting across from him was Robert—an old friend of his. They weren’t touching, and there was nothing overtly romantic in the moment. But the way they spoke, the silence between their words—it felt deeply intimate. Deeper than love. It was understanding. I had to ask. “So… you left Mom for Robert?”
He shook his head. “No. I left because I wasn’t happy. I needed to figure out who I really am.” Robert wasn’t his lover. He was the first person my father had been truly honest with—his confidant when the façade of his life became unbearable. The soulmate he had spoken of, he later admitted, was not another person. It was himself. He had spent decades living a life that wasn’t fully his, and finally, he had found the courage to stop pretending.
It wasn’t easy. There were fractures, distance, healing. My mother eventually rebuilt her life, and so did he this time as his whole, authentic self. And in those final years, I saw a peace in him that I had never known growing up. Before he passed, he said something I’ll never forget:
“If you ever find yourself living a life that isn’t yours, I hope you have the courage to walk away.” Sometimes, the greatest act of love is learning how to love yourself.