When I politely asked my neighbor, Shannon, to stop sunbathing in bikinis right outside my teenage son’s window, I didn’t expect to wake up to a toilet on my lawn. But sure enough, there it was—an old, grimy toilet with a sign that read: “FLUSH YOUR OPINION HERE!” I should’ve known she’d be a handful. Ever since she moved in, she painted her house in every shade imaginable and treated her front yard like a fashion runway.
My 15-year-old son, Jake, was mortified. “Mom, I can’t even open my window!” he complained after yet another one of her lounging sessions. So I decided to be polite. I asked if she could move her sun chair elsewhere she had two acres to choose from. Shannon, being Shannon, replied with dramatic flair, a sarcastic tone, and even offered me a life coach’s number. Then came the toilet. Still, I kept my cool. But she didn’t stop.
The situation escalated loud parties, 3 a.m. karaoke, and even a backyard drum circle. Then karma stepped in. One afternoon, she actually called emergency services about the same toilet claiming it was some kind of sewage threat. The firefighters arrived, took one glance, and told her to quit wasting their time. Unbothered, she upped the ante hauling her lounge chair to the roof with a margarita in hand.
But her rooftop victory pose didn’t last long. Her sprinkler system kicked on mid-sunbath, sending her sliding into her flowerbed. Soaked, muddy, and humiliated, Shannon finally dialed it back. The toilet disappeared. She put up a privacy fence. And peace returned. “Is it safe now?” Jake asked over breakfast. I smiled. “Yeah. The show’s been canceled.”