My husband comes from a traditional family stay-at-home mom, breadwinning dad. I was raised differently. My mother taught me early on: never depend on a man. Thankfully, my husband has unlearned much of what he saw growing up, and we share responsibilities equally. But he still seeks his parents’ approval far too much.
When my in-laws came to stay for two weeks, our usual routine splitting chores, co-parenting didn’t sit well with them. They didn’t hide their disapproval. They hated that I worked, that I didn’t view being a wife and mother as my entire identity, and especially that their son did housework.
One evening, I came home tired and hungry, expecting dinner to be ready as usual only to find nothing. My husband wouldn’t meet my eyes. His mother told me I needed to “do my duty” and cook. He stayed silent. So I ordered takeout for myself and the kids. At dinner, my MIL kept criticizing me. When I asked my husband to speak up, he shocked me—siding with her, saying I should be more of a “proper woman” and respect tradition.
I snapped. I told him tradition doesn’t pay bills, and a man making $35k can’t afford a housewife. He left the table hurt. I regret saying it in front of our kids but I was done carrying the emotional load alone. Standing up for myself wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. I refuse to be shamed for wanting a career and a balanced partnership especially not in my own home.